Flarpy Blunderguff: The Many Uses of Cheetohs
by NephilimEQ
Summary: Garcia betrays JJ's confidence about a few indiscretions...but who with? JJ/Hotch pairing. PLEASE READ & REVIEW! If you've seen the most recent episode of Criminal Minds, you will understand the title.


**Flarpy Blunderguff**

"Just do that thing that you do, Baby Girl," Morgan said to her and Garcia stopped her typing and looked at him, her gaze serious.

"Okay, we have to stop this."

He looked confused.

"Stop what?"

She gave him a look of incredulity.

"Derek, the FBI is organizing seminars on the way we _talk_."

"So what?"

"So, it's embarrassing."

"Not to me. I am not about to change the way I am with you because Bob-in-payroll doesn't get the joke," he said giving her a look, which caused a faint smile to appear on her lips against her will.

"Look," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "I _like_ the way we talk, but can we just cool it for a bit, please?"

He let out a sigh and said, "Fine. But only because you're asking. Now, before we play this little game of yours, I want to know what this "blunderguff" thing is."

Garcia let out a sigh and turned back to her computer, her fingers already typing away once more, remembering that particular conversation with JJ and, remembering who it was about, she wisely chose her words, not revealing who it was that JJ was with at the time.

"_That_ is a conversation between JJ and I that I will…"

She had been about to say, "Not be telling you," but her words faded as she looked at the screen. The game was afoot.

* * *

><p>Later, Derek asked her, and she caved, but did so in the only way that she could without betraying her best friend's confidence.<p>

"Okay, so," Garcia said, breaking her own personal code. "You need like an oil-based paint, and some charcoal, and some sort of food that you _love_. And I mean, _love,_ because you are going to be _with_ it…"

* * *

><p>JJ cornered her on the plane as they headed back to Washington, D.C., and Garcia knew immediately what it was about.<p>

"So…how did they overhear the, uh, _blunderguff_ incident," she whispered as softly as she could, but still audible enough for the technical analyst to hear, whilst pretending to fill up her coffee in the sectioned-off area just behind where Garcia was sitting.

She looked up at her and shook her head.

"I don't know, sweetie, I swear! But I doubt that anyone, you know, _knows_ who you were talking about."

JJ gave her a look.

"I think that if they did, I and that other person would already be fired."

Garcia's eyes flicked over to where Hotch was sitting and chatting with their resident genius and she cringed.

"Uh, does…does _he _know that you told me?"

JJ looked at her in shock, glanced over at Hotch, and then sat down next to her, putting her coffee mug on the table in between them, and then leaned in and in a hushed voice said, "No. And it's going to _stay_ that way, do you hear me?"

Garcia nodded and then leaned in as well and whispered, "I'll never look at Cheetohs the same way again."

At that, JJ grinned and let out a low chuckle and said, "Me neither."

* * *

><p><strong>Two Weeks Earlier…<strong>

"Aaron? Where are you?" JJ asked as she stepped into a brownstone that was more familiar than her own home, but was darker than she was used to it being. "Aaron?"

"JJ," said his familiar voice from somewhere in the room. "Close your eyes."

Not hesitating, she did so. She trusted him and whenever he had surprised her in the past, she had never been disappointed.

And, just as she had silently expected, she felt a cloth wrap around her eyes. She then felt his arms slide around her waist and pull her gently back against his chest, which was bare. God, this boded well for whatever was going to come next. She grinned and slid her hands over his and let out a sigh.

"Oh, I'm going to like this, aren't I?"

She felt him nod and then let herself be blindly led to his bedroom, a place that she had become intimately familiar with over the past few months.

He laid her down on the bed and she gave him a broad smile and said, "Okay, Aaron…what's going on?"

He merely shushed her and told her to be quiet, and he started to peel off her clothes one by one. All too soon, she found herself sans clothes and blissfully waiting his next move, as he had placed gently kisses on her skin as he'd exposed it, leaving her quite flushed and warm.

She was about to ask a second time and then she felt a brush of cool liquid on the skin along her hip, followed by something being dusted over top of it.

"Aaron, what are you…"

Her question turned into a gasp as she felt his tongue glide over top of it and alight all of her nerve endings in that one spot to near electricity.

He then crawled up her body and whispered in her ear, "You know, when I have a lot of free time on my hands, I read the most _interesting_ things," and then proceeded to do the same thing to her other hip; this time her fingers crawled into his hair and held him there, not wanting him to stop.

Finally, after he'd also painted, dusted, and licked several other parts of her body, which included the inside of her arm, the hollow of her neck, and the inside of one thigh, she felt all coherent thought leave her, and all she wanted was for him to continue what he had started, her body aching with need, other parts of her _begging_ for attention. Whatever he was doing, it was absolutely wonderful and completely worth being blindfolded for…now if she could only do the same to him.

He came back up to her and he slowly lifted her blindfold.

"Hey…so, did you enjoy it?"

She responded by pulling him down into a passionate kiss.

When they pulled back, they were both panting, and he arched an eyebrow and said, "I'll take that as a yes."

She nodded.

"A _big_ yes. Now, is it my turn?"

He nodded and handed her a small container of edible body oil and…a bag of orange powder? She looked at it for a moment as he situated himself on his back and snagged the blindfold from her hands, while she shook the bag, trying to figure out what it was.

Finally, she asked, "Okay, I give up. What is this?"

He gave her a grin.

"Cheetohs."

She arched an eyebrow and then licked the tip of her finger, put it in the bag and then pulled it back out and licked it off, tasting it, not quite believing what he had just told her. However, he was right. It was her favorite snack food. Cheetohs.

JJ looked down at her boss and gave him another grin, this one much more devious and full of promise.

"Get that blindfold on, Agent Hotchner. I'm about to have my nighttime snack."

He returned her devious grin, and before he secured the blindfold over his eyes he said, "Yes, ma'am, Agent Jareau."

There wasn't much talking after that.

* * *

><p><strong>THE END<strong>

**A.N. - As soon as Garcia mentioned that it had to do with JJ and a private conversation and that it had to do with sexual things, my mind _immediately_ shot to an idea for a JJ/Hotch story! Hope you enjoyed it! :)**


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